Falsely Accused

I have been ranting about the horrible squirrels who ate all my flowers on the balcony...apparently, the squirrels were falsely accused:

He's fat from the 500 petunias he has eaten this summer.

I had no idea they were such good climbers...he climbed right up the balcony post to avoid the paparazzi.

"What do you mean I have to WAIT until the raccoon leaves before I can play on the balcony??"

"Mannnn...what good is a 110 pound dog if it can't scare away a raccoon?"